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30 Ways to Develop Intimacy with Your Mate


Take me with you; come, let’s run!
    The king has brought me into his bedroom.

Song of Songs 1:3 (NLT)


     The woman makes her desire clear! She longs to be alone with her King, her man. She doesn’t want to waste any time or delay their time alone any longer. Since the woman and the King are not yet married the latter part of this verse may be better translated as “May the king bring me into his chambers”. Though her desires are godly acting on them before the time is right, sex in the context of marriage, would be sinful. It seems clear from 2:7 that she is waiting till the right time, till their honeymoon night. Her willingness to hold none of herself back from him is telling of the kind of man and kind of king he is! She wants to be alone with him and she has no fear of being alone and intimate with him!

     So how do we get to this place in dating? In courting? In marriage? To the place where our mate desires to spend time with us and we desire to spend time with them? There are several ways that we could reach this place, the following list is taken from “Exalting Jesus in Song of Songs”. I think it will be helpful in helping us reach the complete abandonment of ourselves to our spouse . Read through the list and then discuss the following:

Which of the list of 30 ways to develop intimacy are most helpful to you?

How can we do that before next Sunday?


Take one another seriously (but not too seriously).

Nurture one another (Eph 5:29-30).

Set up a problem-solving strategy.

Be respectful and courteous at all times. Treat your mate like a good friend.

Spend time with your spouse (both quality and quantity).

Make room for intimacy and affection without pushing always for sex.

Treat one another as equals, because you are.

Be honest with one another; always speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15).

Give your spouse practical and relational priority in all aspects of your life.

Be slow to anger, slow to speak, and quick to listen (Jas 1:19).

Do not let the sun go down on your anger (Eph 4:26).

Never stop caring about pleasing your spouse (Phil 2:3-4).

Seek unity and do not feel threatened by disagreement (Phil 2:2).

Honor one another’s rights and needs.

Do not impose your will on the other. Be peaceful and kind and use persuasion, not coercion.

Seek to be one another’s best friend.

Try to deal with facts rather than feelings.

Minister to rather than manipulate one another.

Put your spouse before all others, including the children, except for Christ.

Honor God’s structure for marriage (Eph 5:21-33).

Be approachable, teachable, and correctable (even and especially by your spouse).

Do not try to control everything; give room for your mate to honestly express his or her feelings.

Confront one another with tenderness, compassion, and loving concern, working hard not to frustrate your mate.

Be willing to sacrifice for your loved ones.

Do not neglect your responsibility to provide for your mate.

Again, be willing to communicate and to listen!

Despise divorce and determine it will never be an option.

Eat as many meals with one another as possible.

Whenever possible, postpone doing things you want to do for yourself to the times when your spouse is busy with other things.

Do not stop trying to make time for your spouse just because it seems impossible to do so.


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